Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
