some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
