I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
