I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize