And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
