like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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