My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
