Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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