Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize