I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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