i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
