I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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