There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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