I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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