you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
