i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
