when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
