just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Panties = found
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
