Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
