Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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