just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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