just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
