He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
