Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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