Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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