so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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