So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
