So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
