I'm so fucking centered right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
