Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
