dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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