I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
