Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
