That's when you crack a 10am beer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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