somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
