wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
