As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
