You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
