Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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