you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
