it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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