i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
