The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
