i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
