Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
