i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
