the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
