he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
