I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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