these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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