Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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