So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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