So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
