you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
