sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
