The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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