hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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