yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
