I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Barsexuality is the new black.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
