In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
