I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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