I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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