I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
