Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
