Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
