1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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