I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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