Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
