Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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