Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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